Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

Posted by knobbygirl

Someone over in Hollywood must be reading my reviews, because they got rid of Selene and made a prequel all about Lucien.

That being said, Rise of the Lycans was still fucking boring. I was able to paint my toenails and load the dishwasher without really missing anything. There wasn't much of a plot; Vampire enslaves werewolf, werewolf fucks the shit out of the vampire's daughter, vampires fuck shit up and then werewolves fuck even more shit up.


Underworld: Evolution

Posted by knobbygirl

Yet another film starring Kate Beckinsale in a corset, fighting vampires and werewolves and various hybrids of the two. Even though it's the sequel to Underworld, it had enough in common with Van Helsing to confuse the hell out of me and make me have to think real hard about what had happened in the previous movie and who the characters were.


Van Helsing

Posted by knobbygirl

Stephen Sommers should be stopped before he strikes again.

Why? I'll tell you why. My husband and I were eating dinner before the movie and jokingly, I said that if there were pygmy vampires like the pygmy mummies in The Mummy Returns, I would scream right there in the theater. Well, I didn't scream - I just groaned loudly instead. Yes, there were fucking PYGMY VAMPIRES. Goddamnit.