Vampires

14
May
2011

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

Posted by knobbygirl

Someone over in Hollywood must be reading my reviews, because they got rid of Selene and made a prequel all about Lucien.

That being said, Rise of the Lycans was still fucking boring. I was able to paint my toenails and load the dishwasher without really missing anything. There wasn't much of a plot; Vampire enslaves werewolf, werewolf fucks the shit out of the vampire's daughter, vampires fuck shit up and then werewolves fuck even more shit up.

11
Oct
2008

Vegas Vampires

Posted by knobbygirl

Every once in a while, my husband will surprise me by DVRing horrible films for me to review. With a title like 'Vegas Vampires,' there's no way he could pass this one up - it had to be total shit. In fact, it's so shitty that I had to narrow it down to a top ten list.

10. The Title - how lazy can you get?

9. The Musical Cameo (K-Ci and Jo Jo) - they must have needed to fill screen time. There were a bunch of other rappers, too.

8. The Ugly Fat Baldwin Brother from Celebrity Rehab.

7. Only one scene with boobies - and it was 53 minutes into the fucking film.

26
Apr
2008

I Am Legend

Posted by knobbygirl

Very few actors could carry almost an entire film on their shoulders, but Will Smith is definitely one of them. He's on his own for 80-85% of the film and he owns it. If I had bothered to watch Cast Away, I could compare the two - but I think I am safe assuming that Tom Hanks put in a good performance.

11
Apr
2007

Underworld: Evolution

Posted by knobbygirl

Yet another film starring Kate Beckinsale in a corset, fighting vampires and werewolves and various hybrids of the two. Even though it's the sequel to Underworld, it had enough in common with Van Helsing to confuse the hell out of me and make me have to think real hard about what had happened in the previous movie and who the characters were.

22
Mar
2005

Vampirella

Posted by knobbygirl

My husband and I have a contest of sorts going - nothing official, but from time to time, we record movies on cable for later viewing. The theme lately has been 'who can find the worst possible movie to force the other to sit through.' Although he had recently become the front runner by choosing Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys, I was coming up in the ranks with Old Dracula. That is, until we watched another one of his selections - Vampirella.

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