Horror

12
Feb
2009

Grindhouse

Posted by knobbygirl

It took almost a year, but I finally got around to watching the other half of Grindhouse...Death Proof. I'd watched Planet Terror almost a year ago, during my maternity leave movie marathon, but I had never gotten around to Death Proof until now.

11
Oct
2008

Vegas Vampires

Posted by knobbygirl

Every once in a while, my husband will surprise me by DVRing horrible films for me to review. With a title like 'Vegas Vampires,' there's no way he could pass this one up - it had to be total shit. In fact, it's so shitty that I had to narrow it down to a top ten list.

10. The Title - how lazy can you get?

9. The Musical Cameo (K-Ci and Jo Jo) - they must have needed to fill screen time. There were a bunch of other rappers, too.

8. The Ugly Fat Baldwin Brother from Celebrity Rehab.

7. Only one scene with boobies - and it was 53 minutes into the fucking film.

Although it is generally agreed upon that either Plan 9 From Outer Space or Manos: The Hands of Fate is the worst movie ever made, every once in a while - this piece of shit is mentioned. In the future, one of the people mentioning it may be me.

The problem with this film isn't that it's bad - although it IS bad - it's that it's boring. It's a film about a zombie that kills strippers...strippers that don't ever get naked, so technically I guess they're burlesque dancers. The zombies aren't even the dead kind - they're the mind controlled kind. Again, BORING!

13
Dec
2007

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead

Posted by knobbygirl

It's been so long that I had forgotten what it's like. I actually got out of the house last weekend and got to attend the Houston Premiere of Poultrygeist at the Alamo Drafthouse!

Poultrygeist is a love story, wrapped inside of a horror movie, tucked inside of a musical. That's right, it's a musical! The songs are catchy and are guaranteed to get stuck in your head. They're almost as good as Cannibal! The Musical. I've had "Fast Food Love" stuck in my head for a couple of days.

03
Jul
2007

Saw II

Posted by knobbygirl

Any film that involves the psychological torture of a member of New Kids on the Block is ACES in my book. Add to that the fact that one of the little bitches from 7th Heaven is being slowly poisoned and coughing up blood...you've got a horror film guaranteed to satisfy.

15
Jan
2007

Death to the Supermodels

Posted by knobbygirl

While I appreciate the idea of supermodels having toxic booty gas, nappy underarm hair and hidden penises, it's just not enough to base a movie on.

The world's five top supermodels travel to a remote tropical island for a photo shoot, where they get picked off by a serial killer. Is it the annoyingly perky magazine editor? Is it one of the Siegfried and Roy-esque fashion photographers? Or could it be one of the remaining models, secretly harboring a hidden agenda?

27
Dec
2006

2001 Maniacs

Posted by knobbygirl

The South shall rise again. Preferably with a taste for human flesh.

Robert Englund stars in this remake of Two Thousand Maniacs! - H. G. Lewis' classic tale of Confederate Cannibalism. The story is essentially the same - Brigadoon plus Blood Feast. Eight Northerners get lost on their way to Spring Break and opt to join a Civil War Anniversary Celebration. It doesn't take much more than the promise of dirty barnyard sex and free moonshine to get kids to forget all about Spring Break, does it?

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