Horror

01
Aug
2015

3 Headed Shark Attack

Posted by knobbygirl

If two heads are better than one, are three heads better than two?

So...the 3 Headed Shark is angered by ocean pollution, but it eats the sea garbage, which drives it insane and it starts attacking. This movie makes no fucking sense. It is also somehow a sequel to 2 Headed Shark Attack, but HOW??? There are none of the same characters and no relationship is implied between the 2 Headed and 3 Headed Sharks. I need continuity, dammit!

13
Sep
2014

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Posted by knobbygirl

Maybe I'm too snobby, but I wasn't able to get into the movie because I was too distracted by the lack of continuity. In the opening submarine scene, Debbie Gibson's fingernails are clearly bare...but in closeups of "her hands" operating the controls - the nails are black. Disgusting!

The Mega Shark is identified as an extinct prehistoric beast called a Megalodon. Ancient mariners feared a creature called a Kraken - traditionally depicted as a giant octopus. So why isn't the film called Megalodon vs. Kraken? That would've been a much cooler name for this shitty movie...

10
Sep
2014

Robocroc

Posted by knobbygirl

Robocroc takes place in a magical place where a zoo, recreational lake, water park and ATV track are all within walking, actually swimming distance. Where is this magical place? I want to vacation there!

21
Aug
2014

Sharknado 2 : The Second One

Posted by knobbygirl

I watched Sharknado 2 several weeks ago and as excited as I was to sit down and watch it - after watching it, it was hard to muster enough excitement to write about it. All of the joy has been sucked out of writing about crappy SyFy movies now that they have become a mainstream pop culture phenomenon. If Matt Lauer and Al Roker get to kill sharks in your movie, it's fucking mainstream as shit.

06
Jul
2014

Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys

Posted by knobbygirl

A horror movie about bloodsucking fish...starring Shannen Doherty and Christopher Lloyd...made by The Asylum...on Animal Planet?

I know - I'm confused, too. Since when does Animal Planet show movies? Oh yeah...I forgot about Mermaids: The Body Found. Plus, they run a Puppy Super Bowl...it's not like we're talking about a bastion of hard-hitting journalism.

14
Sep
2013

Ghost Shark

Posted by knobbygirl

When a Ghost Shark eats you, where do you go?

I don't mean metaphysically, as in what happens when you die. I mean literally - where do the parts of you that the Ghost Shark swallowed go? Are they instantaneously dissolved by Ghost Shark's ectoplasm? Or are they digested more slowly, like a regular shark would? These are the type of questions that keep me awake at night.

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