Horror

13
Sep
2014

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Posted by knobbygirl

Maybe I'm too snobby, but I wasn't able to get into the movie because I was too distracted by the lack of continuity. In the opening submarine scene, Debbie Gibson's fingernails are clearly bare...but in closeups of "her hands" operating the controls - the nails are black. Disgusting!

The Mega Shark is identified as an extinct prehistoric beast called a Megalodon. Ancient mariners feared a creature called a Kraken - traditionally depicted as a giant octopus. So why isn't the film called Megalodon vs. Kraken? That would've been a much cooler name for this shitty movie...

10
Sep
2014

Robocroc

Posted by knobbygirl

Robocroc takes place in a magical place where a zoo, recreational lake, water park and ATV track are all within walking, actually swimming distance. Where is this magical place? I want to vacation there!

21
Aug
2014

Sharknado 2 : The Second One

Posted by knobbygirl

I watched Sharknado 2 several weeks ago and as excited as I was to sit down and watch it - after watching it, it was hard to muster enough excitement to write about it. All of the joy has been sucked out of writing about crappy SyFy movies now that they have become a mainstream pop culture phenomenon. If Matt Lauer and Al Roker get to kill sharks in your movie, it's fucking mainstream as shit.

06
Jul
2014

Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys

Posted by knobbygirl

A horror movie about bloodsucking fish...starring Shannen Doherty and Christopher Lloyd...made by The Asylum...on Animal Planet?

I know - I'm confused, too. Since when does Animal Planet show movies? Oh yeah...I forgot about Mermaids: The Body Found. Plus, they run a Puppy Super Bowl...it's not like we're talking about a bastion of hard-hitting journalism.

14
Sep
2013

Ghost Shark

Posted by knobbygirl

When a Ghost Shark eats you, where do you go?

I don't mean metaphysically, as in what happens when you die. I mean literally - where do the parts of you that the Ghost Shark swallowed go? Are they instantaneously dissolved by Ghost Shark's ectoplasm? Or are they digested more slowly, like a regular shark would? These are the type of questions that keep me awake at night.

19
Jul
2013

Tasmanian Devils

Posted by knobbygirl

The first five minutes was the best...Apolo Anton Ohno basejumps in New Zealand, falls into a hole and is impaled on a stalagmite that looks suspiciously like a Judas Cradle. It looked slightly less painful and embarrassing than appearing on Dancing with the Stars.

04
Jun
2013

Camp Hell

Posted by knobbygirl

WARNING - teenagers dry humping in the forest can summon demons.

That's right...those poor teenagers didn't even get to have sex. They barely got to second base and things went to shit.

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