Horror

27
Mar
2017

Leprechaun: Origins

Posted by knobbygirl

I should've turned off the TV when the first thing on the screen was "WWE Studios."

...but I didn't. I dutifully sat there, waiting for a single redeeming moment in this film, but all I was left with were questions.

1. I thought this was supposed to be related to the original Leprechaun series? As far as I can tell, there is no connection to original seies, other than the concept of a "killer leprechaun." I am guessing that it is intended as a complete reboot, with no mention of the original?

27
Jul
2016

Dam Sharks

Posted by knobbygirl

That's not a typo folks...those damn sharks are building dams...out of damn human bodies.

I don't even understand...how did sharks get into the river? How do they survive is freshwater - don't sharks live in the ocean? Why are they building a dam out of corpses? I should know by now...the answers do not matter. Just the sharks matter.

23
May
2016

Zoombies

Posted by knobbygirl

Exactly what you fucking think it is. Zombie. Zoo. Animals. Thanks to The Asylum, for going where no film has gone before.

It starts when the capuchin monkeys come down with a nasty virus, turn into zomb-onkeys and go beserk. Of course, they escape and start zombifying the rest of the zoo population. Zombie giraffes tearing folks limb from limb should be horrifying, but I just couldn't stop laughing. The one truly horrifying "zoombie" was the Koala. Koalas are just so cute and so...chill. Zombie Koalas are NOT cute and definitely NOT chill.

14
May
2016

Getting Schooled

Posted by knobbygirl

The Breakfast Club meets Apocalypse Now - how's that for a fucking amazing tagline?

The people who brought us The Haunted Trailer were back at Frightmare with another locally made horror film. I was tentatively afraid that Getting Schooled would be a rehash of Haunted Trailer, but it was totally different in tone and content. Lucky Chucky is no one-trick pony. Yes, it's horror and yes, it's funny...but there wasn't a single fart joke in the whole film. Not even a church house squeaker.

29
Jan
2016

Tusk

Posted by knobbygirl

This movie is so fucking weird and fucked up. Of course, it's a horror movie....but it's also a comedy...and it's also a mindfuck. Tusk is like a new genre of movie - Mindfuck Fu.

The first Mindfuck is not so much the subject matter - it's fucked up to be sure, but the real mindfuck is that it's not sexual. Of course, we wanted the motivation to be sexual - but nope. The motivation was guilt.

01
Aug
2015

3 Headed Shark Attack

Posted by knobbygirl

If two heads are better than one, are three heads better than two?

So...the 3 Headed Shark is angered by ocean pollution, but it eats the sea garbage, which drives it insane and it starts attacking. This movie makes no fucking sense. It is also somehow a sequel to 2 Headed Shark Attack, but HOW??? There are none of the same characters and no relationship is implied between the 2 Headed and 3 Headed Sharks. I need continuity, dammit!

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