Sequel

28
Feb
2013

Wrath of the Titans

Posted by knobbygirl

As a fan of Greek mythology, I found Wrath of the Titans to be even more annoying than Clash of the Titans. The writers were plagued by the same problem that annoyed me about that Hercules TV show - Demigods get 1 or 2 myths and that's it...so how do you make multiple movies about Perseus, who really only had one story?

04
Jan
2013

Lake Placid: The Final Chapter

Posted by knobbygirl

Sure...they say it's the final chapter, but I don't believe them for a fucking second. How many Friday the 13th movies were made after the fourth and Final Chapter? (SEVEN...or eight if you count the recent reboot.) How many Puppet Master movies have been released after the supposed fifth and Final Chapter? (Six!) Even the seventh and most recent Saw film bore the Final Chapter label...so far they haven't put out another Saw, but we all know it's just a matter of time...

26
May
2012

Iron Man 2

Posted by knobbygirl

Why does Iron Man have his own cheerleaders?!? If he's the Hugh Hefner of Superheroes, shouldn't he have strippers?

I was SO excited that they replaced Terence Howard with Don Cheadle, but when it came down to it, I don't know if Don Cheadle was right for the role either. I can't think of someone who would have been better though - so I think it is the role itself that's problematic.

30
Apr
2012

Piranha (2010)

Posted by knobbygirl

If I had actually watched Piranha in 3D, I would have been traumatized for life.

It's not like I'm a pussy or something...as far as movies go, I am the complete opposite of a pussy. (Wait - is the opposite of a pussy...a dick? Am I a movie dick???) Anyway,Piranha makes Saw look like Romper Room. But that's not the traumatizing part. If you've seen this movie, you know EXACTLY which scene I'm talking about. If you haven't seen it, maybe I won't ruin it for you. Then again, maybe I will...because I AM kind of a dick.

08
Dec
2011

Toy Story 3

Posted by knobbygirl

The first time I saw Toy Story 3, I totally started crying when Andy finally handed Woody over to Bonnie. Even now, roughly 537 viewings later, I still get all weepy at the end...so weepy that I get paranoid that I need to take a pregnancy test or something.

21
Sep
2011

Return to Oz

Posted by knobbygirl

There are few things scarier to a child than forced medical procedures - anything that requires being strapped down is bad, bad news. Even before I was aware of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, I knew that shock therapy was fucked up.

Far scarier than anything that happened in Oz, Auntie Em dropping Dorothy off at the asylum to get her brains scrambled FUCKED MY SHIT UP. Nevermind the fact that Auntie Em was played by Carrie's fucked up mom.

17
Aug
2011

Amityville II: The Possession

Posted by lobsterphone

One of the stupidest movies ever. The film makers tried to combine the best of movies like the first Amityville with movies like the The Exorcist. What they did was combine fail with fail. Do you remember in Greatest American Hero when Mr Hinkley got his remedial English class to stage Romeo and Juliet? Their acting is like the acting in this movie. Any scene with interaction or dialogue is like watching Mr. H's English class rehearse their lines. The problem is, the acting is the best thing about this movie.

16
Jul
2011

Shrek Forever After

Posted by knobbygirl

I felt so uncomfortable watching the beginning of this film with my kids...what if they knew that I feel like Shrek sometimes?

As far as I know, my son is no junior psychotherapist...he didn't pick up any tension as I squirmed in my seat, commiserating with Shrek's plight. What parent doesn't reminisce about how cool they were before they had kids? Before responsibility, before potty training and homework, before mortgages and swimming lessons and time outs and smoochies...can't forget about the slobbery, wet booger smoochies.

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