I watched Sharknado 2 several weeks ago and as excited as I was to sit down and watch it - after watching it, it was hard to muster enough excitement to write about it. All of the joy has been sucked out of writing about crappy SyFy movies now that they have become a mainstream pop culture phenomenon. If Matt Lauer and Al Roker get to kill sharks in your movie, it's fucking mainstream as shit.
When a Ghost Shark eats you, where do you go?
I don't mean metaphysically, as in what happens when you die. I mean literally - where do the parts of you that the Ghost Shark swallowed go? Are they instantaneously dissolved by Ghost Shark's ectoplasm? Or are they digested more slowly, like a regular shark would? These are the type of questions that keep me awake at night.
Who hasn't fantasized about the entire cast of The Jersey Shore being eaten by sharks? I know I have. I have never seen a single episode of The Jersey Shore - I watch the Soup, so I get the highlights. Except for the Kardashians, I can't think of a more deserving group of douchebags to be eaten by sharks. Not that I want innocent killer sharks to be infected with whatever variety of sexually transmitted diseases that are rampant among residents of The Shore, but surely the world would be a better place without all that fist-pumping and Ed Hardy?
I was disappointed that not a single character uttered the immortal line, "Did I do that?"
Sharktopus is not picky.
Sharktopus will eat sharks, old boat painters, bungee jumpers, surfer dudes, Volkswagens...Sharktopus is nasty! Sharktopus just doesn't give a fuck.
Sharktopus escapes from a Navy funded super-secret genetic lab in Long Beach. Sharktopus wants a fucking vacation, so Sharktopus heads to Puerto Vallarta. Crazy, nasty ass Sharktopus wants some Mexican food.
Before I even started typing, I knew this would be one of my shortest reveiws ever.
I like Uma Thurman and all, but this is an utterly generic, utterly forgettable role for her. It could have been played by any of the usual suspects - Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman. Uma didn't bring anything extra to the table, either. Luke Wilson fares slightly better, as few actors can come across as a likable douchebag like he does (see Idiocracy for another example). I guess Justin Long or Ryan Reynolds could have done as good a job?