Killer Creatures

22
Jul
2015

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus

Posted by knobbygirl

First the Mega Shark fought a Giant Octopus. Then there was the Crocosaurus. Next, the Mecha Shark. And now...Kolossus.

Kolossus is Cold War era robot weapon, powered by red mercury. Why does Kolossus look like it's made out of meat? It's like when you lift the flap on the back of the box of bacon to check out the slices...What a coincidence that this giant robot happened to be released near Chernobyl at the exact time that Mega Shark needs a good ass kicking?

23
Jun
2015

The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Posted by knobbygirl

I don't remember much of 1997, but I know I somehow missed watching The Lost World. I think I've seen bits and pieces in passing, but I've never sat down and watched it intentionally...

Plan B...or in this case, Island B. Of course, there's a second island, where they've bred the dinosaurs and allowed them to form their ecosystem since things went to shit in the first movie.

31
May
2015

Jurassic Park

Posted by knobbygirl

Jurassic Park made me start smoking. True story.

I clearly remember going to see Jurassic Park back in High School with my mom and sister (at the Tomball Cinema 7, no less). I ran into the vice principal's son (who I later liaised with sadly and briefly), and he gave me a clove cigarette. That was the beginning of the end. I secreted it home in my pocket, lit incense and smoked it in my room. It was horrible, so of course, I later went to a Head Shop and bought a pack. Thanks, Steven Spielberg.

10
Sep
2014

Robocroc

Posted by knobbygirl

Robocroc takes place in a magical place where a zoo, recreational lake, water park and ATV track are all within walking, actually swimming distance. Where is this magical place? I want to vacation there!

06
Jul
2014

Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys

Posted by knobbygirl

A horror movie about bloodsucking fish...starring Shannen Doherty and Christopher Lloyd...made by The Asylum...on Animal Planet?

I know - I'm confused, too. Since when does Animal Planet show movies? Oh yeah...I forgot about Mermaids: The Body Found. Plus, they run a Puppy Super Bowl...it's not like we're talking about a bastion of hard-hitting journalism.

14
Sep
2013

Ghost Shark

Posted by knobbygirl

When a Ghost Shark eats you, where do you go?

I don't mean metaphysically, as in what happens when you die. I mean literally - where do the parts of you that the Ghost Shark swallowed go? Are they instantaneously dissolved by Ghost Shark's ectoplasm? Or are they digested more slowly, like a regular shark would? These are the type of questions that keep me awake at night.

19
Jul
2013

Tasmanian Devils

Posted by knobbygirl

The first five minutes was the best...Apolo Anton Ohno basejumps in New Zealand, falls into a hole and is impaled on a stalagmite that looks suspiciously like a Judas Cradle. It looked slightly less painful and embarrassing than appearing on Dancing with the Stars.

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