Killer Kids

04
Oct
2006

The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane

Posted by knobbygirl

I can think of few things worse than getting molestered by Martin Sheen.

Apparently, Jodie Foster feels the same way, as she spends the entirety of the film trying to dodge his attentions. Jodie plays Rynn Jacobs, a 13 year old girl whose father is always in his study "working." As people become curious about her situation, they unfortunately find that "curiosity killed the cat."

04
Sep
2006

Poison Ivy: The New Seduction

Posted by knobbygirl

If I ran into Jaime Pressly in a dark alley, I would slowly back away until I felt it was safe to run. As soon as it was safe, I'd haul ass, move to another country and change my name.

Jaime Pressly stars in the third Poison Ivy Movie as Violet, the sister of Drew Barrymore's character, Ivy, from the first film. Violet makes Ivy look like fucking Strawberry Shortcake. Violet returns to the Greer household for revenge on the family that fired and evicted her slutty mother years earlier. It seems that skank is a hereditary trait.

05
Jul
2006

Poison Ivy

Posted by knobbygirl

Remember when Drew Barrymore was skanky?

Poison Ivy was the epicenter of Drew Barrymore' skanky period. It opened up the door for gems like The Amy Fisher Story, Guncrazy and Doppelganger, not to mention a layout for Playboy. By the late 90s, romantic fare like The Wedding Singer and Ever After rehabilitated her image and I doubt many even remember her teenage skank period. It's sad, because her skankiness was truly glorious to behold.

18
May
2006

The People Under the Stairs

Posted by knobbygirl

I figured out who THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS are. Remember all those second and third tier hair bands from the 80s? Most of them had an "-er" in the name - WingER, TrixtER, SlaughtER, CindERella, etc. When grunge hit the scene in 1991 (the very year this movie was released), hair bands went out of fashion and were no longer profitable.

21
Nov
2003

Beware: Children at Play

Posted by knobbygirl

Imagine what would happen if I took some acid and started reading Beowulf. Then switched to the bible. Then switched to Children of the Corn. Then decided to try to write a screenplay. Chances are, the results would be really similar to Beware: Children at Play.

26
Feb
1999

Jawbreaker

Posted by knobbygirl

Despite what you've heard, JawBreaker is not a Heathers rip-off. These girls are not doing the world a favor by offing the biggest bitch in school - these bitches asphyxiate their school's Princess Di. And look damn good doing it...

18
Nov
1998

The Butcher Boy

Posted by knobbygirl

Sinead O'Connor as the Virgin Mary? Yep. The virgin Sinead appears to young Francie Brady when his life is getting a little tough and believe me, his life is pretty tough. Crazy mom and Alky dad send Francie over the edge. Soon, he is a homicidal maniac. It's hard tell what sent him over the edge - his family, his Margaret Hamilton-esque neighbor or cold war horror movies. I personally think it was Sinead.

18
Nov
1998

Heathers

Posted by knobbygirl

Poor Veronica (Winona Rider). Beautiful, rich and popular and she still hates her life. She gets to do Christian Slater and still is depressed. Probably because her friends are all assholes - and they're all named 'Heather'.

Who hasn't fantasized about blowing their high school sky high? I still do and I just finished college. For every popular cheerleader/jock in high school, there are ten normal human beings. That being so, it is only logical that finally someone would make a film reflecting the fantasy of every band queer, stoner and sensitive soul, etc.