You may not know this, but my backyard is full of garden gnomes. The pink flamingos are packed away in the garage, as the evil HOA guidelines specifically prohibits plastic lawn ornaments. But there's also a gargoyle on the birdbath and a three foot tall lady statue. Needless to say, if all the statues in my backyard came to life at night, I would shit my pants.
If I had been a boy, my parents would have named me Thor. True story.
I once dressed as Thor for Halloween. Sexy Thor. 1995. Last year, I dressed as Flavor Flav, but I had to buy a new Viking hat, because my old one was hidden in my hoarder piles of shit. True story.
Who hasn't fantasized about the entire cast of The Jersey Shore being eaten by sharks? I know I have. I have never seen a single episode of The Jersey Shore - I watch the Soup, so I get the highlights. Except for the Kardashians, I can't think of a more deserving group of douchebags to be eaten by sharks. Not that I want innocent killer sharks to be infected with whatever variety of sexually transmitted diseases that are rampant among residents of The Shore, but surely the world would be a better place without all that fist-pumping and Ed Hardy?
The good thing about having friends - besides getting into shenanigans - is forcing them to watch movies you love. So after forcing Amy to watch Carrie (They're all gonna laugh at you!), she forced me to watch Grandma's Boy. She'd been after me for probably a year to see it, even lent me the DVD, but I never got around to watching it. (I did, however, get around to watching the Shorty Mac DVD. My response to that horrorshow was a text message that said, "Fuck you.")
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
Honestly, that should be the entire body of my review, but after such a lazy review of Æon Flux, I figured I should work a little harder...although it's not like I get paid by the word to entertain my readers. Or get paid AT ALL for that matter...besides, it's going to take a lot of persuading to get the average person to make it past the opening credits of Poolboy. It's not so much the credits that may drive folks away, as Steel Panther's theme song, Donkey Freedom. I've said too much already - I don't want to ruin it.
I watched the original animated Æon Flux on MTV, but I have no idea how closely the film followed the original, because I don't believe I ever saw a single episode while sober.
Charlize Theron is too pretty to be Æon Flux. Julia Roberts is homely enough, but hardly the action star type. Angelina maybe? I'm wracking my brain to think of who could have been a better Æon Flux, but I'm coming up blank, so I guess Charlize was okay.
Crispin Glover makes ALL movies better...but especially movies about time travel.
Seriously, if I had realized that Crispin Glover was in Hot Tub Time Machine, chances are I would have seen it a lot sooner.
Why does Iron Man have his own cheerleaders?!? If he's the Hugh Hefner of Superheroes, shouldn't he have strippers?
I was SO excited that they replaced Terence Howard with Don Cheadle, but when it came down to it, I don't know if Don Cheadle was right for the role either. I can't think of someone who would have been better though - so I think it is the role itself that's problematic.
I want to see The Avengers. I want to see it in 3D. But my husband doesn't want to go see it until he he sees all the films leading up to it, so we're in a mad dash to see them all while The Avengers is still in the theaters. So here we go...
I don't know a lot about Iron Man, other than the Black Sabbath song. I asked my husband about him and he said that Iron Man is like the Hugh Hefner of Superheroes. I guess that explains why he has a stripper pole in his private jet.
Seriously? THIS is the best they could come up with?
A bunch of pirates racing to find the fountain of youth? If pirates wanted to live forever, wouldn't they take better care of their eyes and teeth? To be fair, it does pick up right after the third one left off, but still...