Is it any wonder that when I got married, I had no bridesmaids, no bridal shower, and almost none of the normal shenanigans that accompany most weddings? (I DID have a bachelorette party, an amazing bacchanalian event that I barely remember, although I'm not quite sure if the faded memory is due to the ravages of time...or the massive amounts of illicit substances ingested therein. Seriously, my friends make Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms look like pussies.)
We had a difficult decision tonight...Zombies Vs. Strippers or The Tale of the Voodoo Prostitute. I know...how on earth did we choose?
Zombies Vs. Strippers is about a zombie invasion in a strip club, not to be confused with Zombie Strippers, a movie in which the strippers are actual zombies. Other than that, the films are pretty similar...titties and zombies, zombies and titties.
Sure...they say it's the final chapter, but I don't believe them for a fucking second. How many Friday the 13th movies were made after the fourth and Final Chapter? (SEVEN...or eight if you count the recent reboot.) How many Puppet Master movies have been released after the supposed fifth and Final Chapter? (Six!) Even the seventh and most recent Saw film bore the Final Chapter label...so far they haven't put out another Saw, but we all know it's just a matter of time...
I'm torn by this movie. Don't get me wrong, I liked it...but I don't know that it absolutely HAD to be made.
The hobit was a 5 star production. It was a kind of scary movie. But I loved it. I think you should go see it. Now don't get me wrong but the hobit is 60 years before Lord of the Rings. There are 3 wizards and their names are Sayramon, Gandalf and Rajagast. There are also 2 wizards that aren't in the movie that are blue. I don't know their names.
Of course, everyone knows that the world is ending in a few short days...on December 21, 2012. How do we know that it is ending? Because that's when the Mayan Calendar supposedly ends, so of course, that must be the absolute end of the world...as opposed to when they basically just ran out of room on their stone tablet. (In any case, if the Mayans were so good at predicting the future, how did they not see the Spaniards coming? Riddle me that, Batman!)
I'm just going to pile on to the rest of the fucking planet and say that Liz & Dick was one of shittiest movies I've ever seen. As a rule, Lifetime movies are shit, but they've hit a new low with Liz & Dick.
Clue...the original movie based on a board game.
We're back on track with family movie night and after scrolling through Netflix for half an hour, we switched to Amazon Prime, looking for Beastmaster, after suspecting that Conan the Destroyer might be a bit too violent. But before we found Beastmaster, we found Clue.
I saw this movie so long ago, I don't even know where to start. Alice Cooper gets killed by Bigfoot. That's pretty much all you need to know about this movie to make you want to watch it. (That's not a spoiler - it was in the commercial.)
All the little teen girls can have Zac Efron. Robert Pattison and Taylor Lautner do nothing for me either. Ryan Gosling...again, not interested. But when it comes to Channing Tatum, I do understand...there's something about him that makes me want to rip his picture out of magazines and plaster them all over my cubicle.