28
Feb
2013

Wrath of the Titans

Posted by knobbygirl

As a fan of Greek mythology, I found Wrath of the Titans to be even more annoying than Clash of the Titans. The writers were plagued by the same problem that annoyed me about that Hercules TV show - Demigods get 1 or 2 myths and that's it...so how do you make multiple movies about Perseus, who really only had one story?

02
Feb
2013

Stonehenge Apocalypse

Posted by knobbygirl

"Apocalypse movies always have a weird way to save the world at the end. You can't just blow up a volcano." For a seven year old, my son is pretty smart.

I'll go ahead and throw him under the bus for picking this shitty movie out. I was scrolling through the guide and he demanded that I record it. Oh, what monster have I created?

17
Jan
2013

Bridesmaids

Posted by knobbygirl

Is it any wonder that when I got married, I had no bridesmaids, no bridal shower, and almost none of the normal shenanigans that accompany most weddings? (I DID have a bachelorette party, an amazing bacchanalian event that I barely remember, although I'm not quite sure if the faded memory is due to the ravages of time...or the massive amounts of illicit substances ingested therein. Seriously, my friends make Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms look like pussies.)

13
Jan
2013

Zombies Vs. Strippers

Posted by knobbygirl

We had a difficult decision tonight...Zombies Vs. Strippers or The Tale of the Voodoo Prostitute. I know...how on earth did we choose?

Zombies Vs. Strippers is about a zombie invasion in a strip club, not to be confused with Zombie Strippers, a movie in which the strippers are actual zombies. Other than that, the films are pretty similar...titties and zombies, zombies and titties.

04
Jan
2013

Lake Placid: The Final Chapter

Posted by knobbygirl

Sure...they say it's the final chapter, but I don't believe them for a fucking second. How many Friday the 13th movies were made after the fourth and Final Chapter? (SEVEN...or eight if you count the recent reboot.) How many Puppet Master movies have been released after the supposed fifth and Final Chapter? (Six!) Even the seventh and most recent Saw film bore the Final Chapter label...so far they haven't put out another Saw, but we all know it's just a matter of time...

31
Dec
2012

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Posted by Logan

The hobit was a 5 star production. It was a kind of scary movie. But I loved it. I think you should go see it. Now don't get me wrong but the hobit is 60 years before Lord of the Rings. There are 3 wizards and their names are Sayramon, Gandalf and Rajagast. There are also 2 wizards that aren't in the movie that are blue. I don't know their names.

19
Dec
2012

The 12 Disasters of Christmas

Posted by knobbygirl

Of course, everyone knows that the world is ending in a few short days...on December 21, 2012. How do we know that it is ending? Because that's when the Mayan Calendar supposedly ends, so of course, that must be the absolute end of the world...as opposed to when they basically just ran out of room on their stone tablet. (In any case, if the Mayans were so good at predicting the future, how did they not see the Spaniards coming? Riddle me that, Batman!)

01
Dec
2012

Liz & Dick

Posted by knobbygirl

I'm just going to pile on to the rest of the fucking planet and say that Liz & Dick was one of shittiest movies I've ever seen. As a rule, Lifetime movies are shit, but they've hit a new low with Liz & Dick.

21
Nov
2012

Clue

Posted by knobbygirl

Clue...the original movie based on a board game.

We're back on track with family movie night and after scrolling through Netflix for half an hour, we switched to Amazon Prime, looking for Beastmaster, after suspecting that Conan the Destroyer might be a bit too violent. But before we found Beastmaster, we found Clue.

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