11
Sep
1999

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

Posted by knobbygirl

Shut your Fuckin' Face, Uncle Fucka...You're a cocksucking, asslicking Uncle Fucka...

This film contains the most un-anticipated male genitalia since Harvey Keitel in The Piano - that of Big Gay Al. And that's pretty tame next to the rest of the film. Sadaam and Satan are lovers, Cartman's mom is in a German Shiezer film and then there's the giant clitoris...and did I forget to mention the biting social satire?

01
Jul
1999

The Mummy

Posted by knobbygirl

Gurrr-owlll! And I bet you think I'm talking about Brendan Fraser...nope, he is a total dork. I am talking about the mummy. The Mummy was yummy. What is it about bald men? He was just too hot. I would have let him have my body any day. A close second was the main protector guy. He was el mucho uno. I guess that makes poor Brendan third on the sexy list...

04
May
1999

Idle Hands

Posted by knobbygirl

Another rip-off teen horror film. Another retelling of 'The Hands of Orloc.' Another trendy 'potsmoking is cool' film. But this one is missing something that the recent crop of teen slasher crap (Scream 1 & 2, I Know What..., Disturbing Behavior, Urban Legends, The Faculty, ad nauseum) have - picture perfect teens getting sliced by horrible villians and/or the people they trust (mostly parents and teachers) - THANK GOD!

17
Apr
1999

Twin Dragons

Posted by knobbygirl

Cheech and Chong did it better.

Another rehash of the Corsican Brothers, Twin Dragons has Jackie Chan playing twins separated at birth. The one who stays with the biological parents becomes a famous concert pianist and conductor, while the lost twin is raised by the alcoholic partygirl who found him. They meet when the conductor comes to China to conduct something. All of a sudden, they begin to feel what the other one is doing. It sounds better writing it than actually seeing it.

17
Apr
1999

Gummo

Posted by knobbygirl

Glue sniffin', cat killin' country folk - kind of reminds me of growing up in small town Texas. Okay, it wasn't quite that bad where I grew up...there were parts of town where you couldn't have dogs because they would end up as fajitas in a week...a friend of mine almost bought an UZI in the parking lot before school, but he didn't have $80 on him...I went to the prom with a married man...enough about my scary high school years and back to Gummo.

11
Apr
1999

American Beauty

Posted by knobbygirl

You know what sucks? I'll tell you what sucks - I wrote a really kickass review of this the other night and then my CD-ROM broke from playing the Dazed and Confused soundtrack all night, then the computer freaked out and ate the review...so now I have to try and write it again, but I know it will suck.

Definitely the best film of the year and one of the best films I have ever seen. Period.

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