26
May
2013

The Haunted Trailer

Posted by knobbygirl

Not enough farts. Definitely needed more farts.

Just kidding, there were plenty of farts in The Haunted Trailer - farts in practically every scene. I love farts. My best friend also loves farts. (When we get together with some Burger King Onion Rings...watch out!) My eight year old son loves farts, probably because he is eight years old, but also because he is my son. Really, who DOESN'T love farts? If you say you don't love farts, you're LYING. Farts make the world go around.

11
May
2013

The Lords of Salem

Posted by knobbygirl

As the end credits rolled, I stood up and surveyed the emptying theater and said, "What the fuck?" Then my husband said "What the fuck?" And my best friend said "What the fuck?" And her man said "Yeah, what the fuck?"

28
Feb
2013

Wrath of the Titans

Posted by knobbygirl

As a fan of Greek mythology, I found Wrath of the Titans to be even more annoying than Clash of the Titans. The writers were plagued by the same problem that annoyed me about that Hercules TV show - Demigods get 1 or 2 myths and that's it...so how do you make multiple movies about Perseus, who really only had one story?

02
Feb
2013

Stonehenge Apocalypse

Posted by knobbygirl

"Apocalypse movies always have a weird way to save the world at the end. You can't just blow up a volcano." For a seven year old, my son is pretty smart.

I'll go ahead and throw him under the bus for picking this shitty movie out. I was scrolling through the guide and he demanded that I record it. Oh, what monster have I created?

17
Jan
2013

Bridesmaids

Posted by knobbygirl

Is it any wonder that when I got married, I had no bridesmaids, no bridal shower, and almost none of the normal shenanigans that accompany most weddings? (I DID have a bachelorette party, an amazing bacchanalian event that I barely remember, although I'm not quite sure if the faded memory is due to the ravages of time...or the massive amounts of illicit substances ingested therein. Seriously, my friends make Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms look like pussies.)

13
Jan
2013

Zombies Vs. Strippers

Posted by knobbygirl

We had a difficult decision tonight...Zombies Vs. Strippers or The Tale of the Voodoo Prostitute. I know...how on earth did we choose?

Zombies Vs. Strippers is about a zombie invasion in a strip club, not to be confused with Zombie Strippers, a movie in which the strippers are actual zombies. Other than that, the films are pretty similar...titties and zombies, zombies and titties.

04
Jan
2013

Lake Placid: The Final Chapter

Posted by knobbygirl

Sure...they say it's the final chapter, but I don't believe them for a fucking second. How many Friday the 13th movies were made after the fourth and Final Chapter? (SEVEN...or eight if you count the recent reboot.) How many Puppet Master movies have been released after the supposed fifth and Final Chapter? (Six!) Even the seventh and most recent Saw film bore the Final Chapter label...so far they haven't put out another Saw, but we all know it's just a matter of time...

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