Based on a True Story...I LOVE "Based on a True Story." I love bullshit and nothing is more bullshit than "Based on a True Story." (Technically, the film opened with "this story is inspired by true events" - but that's pretty much the same thing.)
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times - Paul Bunyan needs his own horror movie.
I've never said that. I'm fairly certain that NO ONE in the span of human history has EVER said that. But here I am, reviewing Paul Bunyan's horror movie.
Never before have I written a second review of a film. Not so much out of pride or any kind of belief that my reviews exist as the "final word" on the worth of a film...it's more because I'm kind of lazy. (Or quite possibly...really fucking lazy.) The 3D re-release of The Wizard of Oz deserves a second review...not only because my original review was written 15 years ago, but because it truly is like watching a completely new film.
When a Ghost Shark eats you, where do you go?
I don't mean metaphysically, as in what happens when you die. I mean literally - where do the parts of you that the Ghost Shark swallowed go? Are they instantaneously dissolved by Ghost Shark's ectoplasm? Or are they digested more slowly, like a regular shark would? These are the type of questions that keep me awake at night.
Poor Frankie Muniz...it's come to this.
Has anyone else noticed that the cute child stars that are able to play kids well into young adulthood, appear to skip young adulthood? One day, they don't look a day over 15...then overnight...BAM...45 years old. Think of Edward Furlong, who is already playing "dad" roles. That's what happened to Frankie Muniz. On the bright side, at least he didn't "Corey Haim" and go straight from cute teen to middle aged lesbian.
Needed more sodomy.
The first five minutes was the best...Apolo Anton Ohno basejumps in New Zealand, falls into a hole and is impaled on a stalagmite that looks suspiciously like a Judas Cradle. It looked slightly less painful and embarrassing than appearing on Dancing with the Stars.
WARNING - teenagers dry humping in the forest can summon demons.
That's right...those poor teenagers didn't even get to have sex. They barely got to second base and things went to shit.