You know, if Mark Cuban ran for president, I'd probably vote for him. Sure, he's as big a dick as Trump, but he hasn't filed for bankruptcy half a dozen times. That being said, I'd probably vote for David Hasselhoff before any of the assholes we have running right now.
Kolossus is Cold War era robot weapon, powered by red mercury. Why does Kolossus look like it's made out of meat? It's like when you lift the flap on the back of the box of bacon to check out the slices...What a coincidence that this giant robot happened to be released near Chernobyl at the exact time that Mega Shark needs a good ass kicking?
I'll spare you the lame jokes about how this summer's crop of blockbusters is a throwback to the 90s - dinosaurs, terminators and vacations, oh my! (OK, maybe just one...)
I don't remember much of 1997, but I know I somehow missed watching The Lost World. I think I've seen bits and pieces in passing, but I've never sat down and watched it intentionally...
Plan B...or in this case, Island B. Of course, there's a second island, where they've bred the dinosaurs and allowed them to form their ecosystem since things went to shit in the first movie.
Jurassic Park made me start smoking. True story.
I clearly remember going to see Jurassic Park back in High School with my mom and sister (at the Tomball Cinema 7, no less). I ran into the vice principal's son (who I later liaised with sadly and briefly), and he gave me a clove cigarette. That was the beginning of the end. I secreted it home in my pocket, lit incense and smoked it in my room. It was horrible, so of course, I later went to a Head Shop and bought a pack. Thanks, Steven Spielberg.
I started writing this review last summer, when I originally watched Thor 2 on cable...my thoughts will be briefer, but possibly more favorable than when I originally watched it.
This film was made for the ladies, right? A shirtless viking god, pining over the nerdy scientist girl, even though he has a hottie asskicker at home, who would literally die for him. This is every straight woman's fantasy. We don't want to be tied up and beaten, like that 50 Shades bullshit. We just want the hot guy to pick us, preferably while shirtless.
So we started to watch Agents of SHIELD the other night and it took about 30 seconds to realize, "FUCK, this is happening after the movie." So we stopped the DVR and watched Gotham instead...
I've been MIA for quite a while, haven't I? I've been watching movies, but most haven't left me with anything to say. I've got half written reviews of the 2nd Hobbit movie and The Winter Soldier...and I couldn't even get started on Thor 2. Well, Days of Future Past gave me a lot to think about...
Even though it's only February, I'm going to go ahead and call it - Sponge Out of Water is the most terrifying film of the year. Why? It has a fucking talking dolphin in it.
I fucking hate dolphins. They are the Bill Cosby of the ocean world, trying to lure unwitting swimmers into their underwater rape caves. Dolphins have NO business in a children's film. It's a small consolation that the hellspawn dolphin appears to have been voiced by Tim Curry, although I could be wrong.