08
Dec
2011

Toy Story 3

Posted by knobbygirl

The first time I saw Toy Story 3, I totally started crying when Andy finally handed Woody over to Bonnie. Even now, roughly 537 viewings later, I still get all weepy at the end...so weepy that I get paranoid that I need to take a pregnancy test or something.

29
Sep
2011

Stan Helsing

Posted by knobbygirl

Jason, Freddy, Pinhead, Chucky, Leatherface and Michael in a movie together? It's like a horror fan's wet dream, right?

Not so fast...it's not really Jason, his name is Mason. And that's not Freddy, it's Fweddy...and why is he wearing Flavor Flav's clock? Is that a yarmulke on Michael Myers head? And why is Pleatherface (not Leatherface) wearing a Coach Purse on his face? Because Stan Helsing is basically Scary Movie 5, that's why.

21
Sep
2011

Return to Oz

Posted by knobbygirl

There are few things scarier to a child than forced medical procedures - anything that requires being strapped down is bad, bad news. Even before I was aware of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, I knew that shock therapy was fucked up.

Far scarier than anything that happened in Oz, Auntie Em dropping Dorothy off at the asylum to get her brains scrambled FUCKED MY SHIT UP. Nevermind the fact that Auntie Em was played by Carrie's fucked up mom.

10
Sep
2011

The Karate Dog

Posted by knobbygirl

So this isn't the long lost sequel to The Karate Kid movies?

Pat Morita taught his dog karate...but that's where the similarity ends. No Mr. Miyagi here, he's playing a Chinese dude named Chun Li. (Chun Li? Really???) Cho Cho the dog kicks a lot of ass via bad CGI, but it's more a Matrix rip-off than wax-on/wax-off. Also, the dog talks and his voice sounds a lot like Chevy Chase. It IS Chevy Chase. I guess this is the best he could do before Community brought him back to relevancy.

04
Sep
2011

Princess of Mars

Posted by knobbygirl

I doubt that this is the first time that Traci Lords has sprayed someone with her piss on film.

It was a cheap shot, I'm sorry Traci. After reading her autobiography, I actually kind of like her...although that's not the main reason I subjected myself to watching her drool over Antonio Sabato Jr. while dressed as Princess Leia (sans cinnamon buns) in Princess of Mars. I wanted to be the one drooling over Antonio Sabato Jr.

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