23
May
2016

Zoombies

Posted by knobbygirl

Exactly what you fucking think it is. Zombie. Zoo. Animals. Thanks to The Asylum, for going where no film has gone before.

It starts when the capuchin monkeys come down with a nasty virus, turn into zomb-onkeys and go beserk. Of course, they escape and start zombifying the rest of the zoo population. Zombie giraffes tearing folks limb from limb should be horrifying, but I just couldn't stop laughing. The one truly horrifying "zoombie" was the Koala. Koalas are just so cute and so...chill. Zombie Koalas are NOT cute and definitely NOT chill.

14
May
2016

Getting Schooled

Posted by knobbygirl

The Breakfast Club meets Apocalypse Now - how's that for a fucking amazing tagline?

The people who brought us The Haunted Trailer were back at Frightmare with another locally made horror film. I was tentatively afraid that Getting Schooled would be a rehash of Haunted Trailer, but it was totally different in tone and content. Lucky Chucky is no one-trick pony. Yes, it's horror and yes, it's funny...but there wasn't a single fart joke in the whole film. Not even a church house squeaker.

25
Apr
2016

Ant-Man

Posted by knobbygirl

It's been like a zillion years since we've had a family movie night...I guess technically, it wasn't really a family movie night, since Lily wanted nothing to do with Ant-Man, instead barricading herself under her bed with Netflix and my cat.

29
Jan
2016

Tusk

Posted by knobbygirl

This movie is so fucking weird and fucked up. Of course, it's a horror movie....but it's also a comedy...and it's also a mindfuck. Tusk is like a new genre of movie - Mindfuck Fu.

The first Mindfuck is not so much the subject matter - it's fucked up to be sure, but the real mindfuck is that it's not sexual. Of course, we wanted the motivation to be sexual - but nope. The motivation was guilt.

01
Aug
2015

3 Headed Shark Attack

Posted by knobbygirl

If two heads are better than one, are three heads better than two?

So...the 3 Headed Shark is angered by ocean pollution, but it eats the sea garbage, which drives it insane and it starts attacking. This movie makes no fucking sense. It is also somehow a sequel to 2 Headed Shark Attack, but HOW??? There are none of the same characters and no relationship is implied between the 2 Headed and 3 Headed Sharks. I need continuity, dammit!

22
Jul
2015

Mega Shark vs. Kolossus

Posted by knobbygirl

First the Mega Shark fought a Giant Octopus. Then there was the Crocosaurus. Next, the Mecha Shark. And now...Kolossus.

Kolossus is Cold War era robot weapon, powered by red mercury. Why does Kolossus look like it's made out of meat? It's like when you lift the flap on the back of the box of bacon to check out the slices...What a coincidence that this giant robot happened to be released near Chernobyl at the exact time that Mega Shark needs a good ass kicking?

21
Jul
2015

Jurassic World

Posted by knobbygirl

I'll spare you the lame jokes about how this summer's crop of blockbusters is a throwback to the 90s - dinosaurs, terminators and vacations, oh my! (OK, maybe just one...)

23
Jun
2015

The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Posted by knobbygirl

I don't remember much of 1997, but I know I somehow missed watching The Lost World. I think I've seen bits and pieces in passing, but I've never sat down and watched it intentionally...

Plan B...or in this case, Island B. Of course, there's a second island, where they've bred the dinosaurs and allowed them to form their ecosystem since things went to shit in the first movie.

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