Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan

Year: 
2013
Rated: 
R
Genre: 
Horror?
Director: 
Gary Jones
Writer(s): 
Jeff Miller
Gary Jones
Jason Ancona
Actor(s): 
Joe Estevez
Dan Haggerty
Thomas Downey
Amber Connor
Tim Lovelace
Runtime: 
90
Rating: 
One BOB
Review: 

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times - Paul Bunyan needs his own horror movie.

I've never said that. I'm fairly certain that NO ONE in the span of human history has EVER said that. But here I am, reviewing Paul Bunyan's horror movie.

The big "star" is Grizzly Adams himself - Dan Haggerty. I would've assumed that he died a decade ago if I hadn't seen him in person at Frightmare this year...promoting this VERY film. I hesitate to say that he's the star of the film, since his total screen time is less than 5 minutes, but it IS the first and most exciting five minutes in the film. I even rewound my DVR to watch it again.

The only other "star" is Martin Sheen's brother, Joe Estevez. I didn't even know he had an actor brother? Joe plays the obligatory crazy mountain man.

About halfway through the film, the obligatory crazy mountain man starts to tell the story of Paul Bunyan and why he's killing every one. My brain went, "fuck," and I paused the DVR. I asked my son, "Do you know who Paul Bunyan is?" Sure as shit, my eight year old son had never even heard of Paul Bunyan. So I paused the movie right then and there, and made him watch this. That's right, the entire 1958 Disney cartoon, available on YouTube. What are they teaching in school these days? How can a third grader not know about Paul Bunyan? I decry the state of public education!

This movie was a stinker. I hope SyFy comes out with a Pecos Bill movie that's better.