Piranhaconda

Year: 
2011
Genre: 
SyFy Shit
Director: 
Jim Wynorski
Writer(s): 
J. Brad Wilke
Mike MacLean
Actor(s): 
Michael Madsen
Rachel Hunter
Shandi Finnessey
Angie Savage
Noah Blake
Rating: 
ZERO BOBs
Review: 

Piranhaconda may be one of the best portmanteau names for a man-eating creature (the best are Sharktopus, of course, and maybe Mansquito), but it sure as hell is NOT one of the best movies about a man-eating creature.

This movie was soooooooo boring. Michael Madsen is usually an un-boring actor, but his portrayal of a Professor hunting the elusive Hawaiian Piranhaconda was a snorefest. I gave zero fucks about WHY he was hunting for Piranhaconda eggs.

I also gave zero fucks about the movie crew and drug cartels getting eaten by the Piranhaconda. I gave zero fucks about Rod Stewart's babymamma. I gave zero fucks about Miss USA. I gave zero fucks about Robert Blake's son. I gave zero fucks about the porn star. I gave zero fucks about this movie...except for the theme song. At least the Piranhaconda got its own theme song.

Since I'm going to Hawaii in a few weeks...just to be on the safe side...I verified my suspicion that there are not piranhas, nor anacondas in Hawaii. I'll be on the lookout for piranhacondas though.

I was so fucking excited after seeing the commercial. I was expecting a fucking epicly awesome bad ass movie - Piranhaconda, unfortunately, was just a fucking bad movie.

"She played kickball with my cojones..." - Arturo (Noah Blake)