"Wacky" Comedy
Tom Stern
Alex Winter
Tim Burns
Tom Stern
Alex Winter
Alex Winter
Michael Stoyanov
Megan Ward
William Sadler
Randy Quaid
Two BOBs

Bill and Ted's Excellent Freakshow!

Alex Winter stars as Ricky Coogan, a "wacky" washed up child star that travels to South America in order to promote a mutagenic fertilizer. His "wacky" best friend (played by Blossom's brother...not the one that says "Whoa!" all the time...the other one) accompanies him and they hook up with a "wacky" environmental activist. They end up visiting a roadside Freak Show and get captured by the "wacky" proprietor, played by Randy Quaid. Are you seeing a theme here? Everyone's "wacky"? If everyone's "wacky" - what's the point?

Randy Quaid then doses them with stuff that looks suspiciously like Double Dare Slime to turn them into Circus freaks. He locks them in a shed, where they meet the rest of the Freaks. Mr. T is the unsexiest Bearded Lady ever. Bobcat Goldthwait has a sock puppet for a head. There are a bunch of other, less amusing freaks as well - like Worm-Man and Cow-Boy. There's also a guy who farts a lot. I don't mean to be picky, but that doesn't seem to be much of a Freak Show attraction. I could do the job after a visit to Taco Bell.

Keanu Reeves was excellent (pardon the pun) in his cameo as Ortiz, the Dog Boy. Finally, he's found a role commensurate with his talent, experience and emotional range. Oh, I kid, I kid...he isn't qualified to be a Dog Boy either. I'm just glad to see him not saving the world for once. What a burden, being typecast as a messiah.

You know the one thing in this movie that I just DID NOT get? The Rastafarian Eye Police. Literally - Eyeballs...that were police uniforms, brandishing automatic weapons. Maybe it was because I was stone cold sober...or maybe it was because the makers of this film obviously were not.

At least the music was good. I immediately recognized Henry Rollins singing the theme song during the opening credits. Gibby Haynes has a cameo and also provides some Butthole Surfers music. I tell you, I sure do miss 90s music.

Imagine what those sick fucks over at TROMA could have done with $12 Million. I bet they could have made Freaked 3 times over, with money left to spare. I appreciate the attempt to make a somewhat big budget "B" movie - but really, it was kind of a waste. I'm thinking that I would have like Freaked a lot more if I had seen it when it first came out...but it's hard to get overly excited about Claymation in 2006. If it came down to it though, I prefer good Claymation to bad CGI any day of the week. Take that, Sci Fi Channel!

"Twelve milkmen IS theoretically possible. Thirteen is silly. Looks like there's one milkman too many, Coogan!" - Ortiz the Dog Boy (Keanu Reeves)