Red Planet

Year: 
2000
Rated: 
PG-13
Genre: 
Sci Fi
Director: 
Antony Hoffman
Writer(s): 
Chuck Pfarrer
Jonathan Lemkin
Actor(s): 
Val Kilmer
Carrie-Anne Moss
Benjamin Bratt
Tom Sizemore
Terence Stamp
Runtime: 
106
Rating: 
Two BOBs
Review: 

Cool, but dumb. I think I got Red Planet confused with Mission to Mars, because I was expecting it to suck way more than it did.

Haven't really been in the mood to go out to a movie lately. Not sure why, but it's probably because the Nation as a whole is pretty fucked up right now. Staying at home, watching cable seems to be a good idea. So don't complain about the lameness of the films I've been watching lately...

There were way too many scientific mistakes in this film for me not to notice them. For example, when Burchenal (Tom Sizemore) is talking about being a geneticist, he states that all he knows is "A, G, T & P", obviously he isn't a very good geneticist, because DNA is made of "A, G, T & C." And 'nematodes' are worms, not bug looking things. Professor Sean swears he said 'hematodes' - but I heard nematodes. What is a 'hemotode' anyway - a bloodworm?

Even so, it wasn't too painful to watch. The special effects were pretty cool, especially AAME. AAME was the best thing about the whole film. I also liked that the ship's computer, LUCILLE, was a smart ass, not at nearly as boring as HAL or MOTHER.

Carrie Anne Moss was wasted. Notwithstanding the fact that she got mostly naked, her character was lacking in depth...like, why was she so pissed off the whole time? Come to think of it, all of the characters lacked depth. Terence Stamp was totally wasted. Benjamin Bratt was not wasted, mostly because he sucks. His best role was the three lines he had in Demolition Man. Julia is better off without his ugly ass.

Red Planet was way too much like Pitch Black for my taste. I'm not sure which one came out first, not that it matters. Pitch Black did the whole "hostile planet filled with hostile beasties" thing better, and with less star power. Watch Pitch Black instead.

 

"Fuck this planet!" - Gallagher (Val Kilmer)