Waxwork

May 11, 2004

I really thought that I had seen Waxwork before…but after watching it again last weekend, either I have never seen it or I was really, really fucked up when I did.

Anthony Hickox directed three of the movies that I will always associate with college and apartment 27101. I can’t count the number of times we watched Warlock: The Armageddon. I may have actually memorized dialogue at some point. I only watched Hellraiser III once – but once was enough. That movie seriously fucked me up. And Waxwork II: Lost in Time – Bruce Campbell’s exposed rib cage – what more do I need to say? Those movies totally sucked, but we loved them anyway.

That being said, this movie kind of sucked – maybe the most of all. It sucked in a good way – I was entertained – but my brain still hurt from trying to figure out what the hell was going on. People are drawn into Wax Museum displays and are forced to live them out? Eh, ok.

Zach Galligan is cursed to always be remembered as the guy from Gremlins. Yeah, it sounds like a curse – but at least he will always be remembered for being in one good movie. It’s not like anyone sees him guest starring on Law & Order and thinks, “Hey! It’s the guy from Waxwork!” Likewise for Deborah “Valley Girl” Foreman, Dana “Twin Peaks” Ashbrook, Eric “Mama’s Family” Brown and Clare “Coach” Carey. Poor Michelle Johnson is screwed though. It took me half the movie to figure out that she wasn’t Erika Eleniak. I think this was the high point of her career. I was pretty surprised to see John “Gimli” Rhys-Davies as a werewolf. He sure has moved up in the world.

I was fairly annoyed by the Marquis de Sade sequence. Partially because it was so lame and partially because he was dressed like a Pirate…and NOT a tough Pirate…more like one of the Pirates of Penzance. That guy couldn’t have beat up Mother Teresa.

Zach Galligan smokes like a pussy. Hand him some Capris.

I’ll be watching this again, next time it comes on cable. You know…for research. To more clearly understand the hermetic principles of the Waxwork paradigm as it relates to Schroedinger’s cat…eh fuck, whatever – I just want to watch it again.