The People Under the Stairs

May 19, 2006

I figured out who THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS are. Remember all those second and third tier hair bands from the 80s? Most of them had an “-er” in the name – WingER, TrixtER, SlaughtER, CindERella, etc. When grunge hit the scene in 1991 (the very year this movie was released), hair bands went out of fashion and were no longer profitable. The record companies traveled from London to Tokyo to Paris to Hollywood – all over the world – capturing their “investments.” (They used Super Models as bait – that’s why they were such easy pickins.) The rockers were sold into slavery before their buzz had even worn off – and that’s how they came to be known as THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS.

THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS are eventually liberated by their messiah – the little kid from Moonwalker. He was sent by Michael Jackson to liberate the hair bands, as the gloved one had great pity for them, having previously been imprisoned by a record exec – the “very devilish” Tommy Mottola. Michael Jackson invited the newly free PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS to come live with him at Neverland Ranch, where they could all find jobs as animal caretakers. THE END.

Okay, that’s really not what the movie is about. But it makes about as much sense – so you’re better off if you just pretend.

My main interest was in watching Nadine and Big Ed play Mommy and Daddy. (If you aren’t a Twin Peaks fan, you’ll have no idea what I’m talking about.) I thought Nadine was nuts, but she’s nothing compared to Mommy. Mommy also has that crazy eyebrow thing going on – wildy varying from scene to scene. Crazy eyebrows = crazy lady, remember?

My husband DVRed this movie for me to watch, since I had mentioned that I had never seen it. When it was over, I asked WHY – since it was kind of crappy. He said because he cannot stand this movie and it causes him physical pain to watch it. I know, I don’t understand either.