The Beaver Trilogy

April 29, 2002

Before there was Rubin, there was the Orkly Kid.

Thank god for eBay, or I may never have gotten a chance to see this unique piece of film history. It is a bootleg of the Superstar caliber! (Superstar is the Karen Carpenter story told with Barbie dolls – I’ll get around to reviewing it someday.) Fuck Olivia Newton-John for not giving up the rights to song! Fuck her right in the ass!

The Beaver Trilogy is comprised of three short films. The first is simply titled The Beaver Kid and stars the REAL Groovin’ Gary. Harris stumbles upon ‘Beaver’s Rich Little’ and films a little bit of his impersonations and some great footage of Groovin’ Gary’s car, Farrah – yes that Farrah! All of a sudden, we are transported to Beaver, Utah for a talent show starring Groovin’ Gary…as Olivia Newton-Don! Of course, before the show, we make a pit stop to the mortuary – Gary’s gotta get his make-up done. Groovin’ Gary delivers a truly heartfelt performance of Please Don’t Keep Me Waiting…and then returns to do a Barry Manilow song.

Next is The Beaver Kid 2 – starring Sean Penn. Filmed right before Fast Times at Ridgemont High, there’s a hint of Spicoli in the new Beaver Kid – Groovin’ Larry. This time, the camera steps away from first person point of view to include a ‘new’ director, Terrance. Gone are the awe struck fans of Olivia Newton-Don, the townspeople are a little less good humored than the real townsfolk of Beaver -they almost drive poor Larry over the edge!

Finally, we leave Beaver and meet The Orkly Kid. This time, Crispin Glover is filling the blonde wig as Groovin’ Larry. We now delve deep into the psyche of Groovin’ Larry, well at least his bedroom, complete with a glowing Xanadu poster. We interact with Orkly townspeople, who are even crueler than the Beaverites of second film. Larry is ridiculed and taunted even before he dawns the persona of ‘Olivia Neutron Bomb.’ He has a best friend, Merill, who believes in him, up until Olivia makes her appearance. This time though, Olivia triumphs and rides off into the sunset. Literally.

Each film would be unwatchable separately, but together they create a mythology. You can’t stop watching any of the three Olivia performances – they’re painfully humiliating, yet beautiful at the same time.

Tonight, I will be hearing Please Don’t Keep Me Waiting in my sleep – unavoidable really, since it was played throughout the entire three films. Again, curses upon Olivia Neutered-John!