The Batman

May 14, 2022

 

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Why was this film so damned loooong?

It was a smidgen under three hours, and shorter than Endgame…but it felt like three damn days. If it felt that long on my couch, I cannot imagine how long it felt in the theater. Even so, it wasn’t unenjoyable…I just felt the whole length of it. (That’s what she said.)

A darker, grittier Batman…wait, wasn’t that what Batman Begins was? And Batman (1987) for that matter? Eh, nevermind that, I’ll be happy to be watching Batman reboots while I’m in a wheelchair. I am also intrigued by the “The” trend – The Batman vs Batman, and The Suicide Squad vs. Suicide Squad…are we getting The Joker and The Catwoman next?

I was ready to pan Robert Pattison’s Batman, but I didn’t hate it. I really liked this film’s take on Bruce Wayne…instead of Boozy Playboy, Bruce is a paranoid hermit. Honestly, that makes a lot more sense given his trauma. His relationship with his ‘precious’ Alfred was also meatier than previous films. (That’s what she said.)

I always enjoy “superhero movies” that go out of their way to make their villains look like real people, just ugly…but couldn’t they have found an actual balding fat guy to play The Penguin? Collin Farrell is a perfectly cromulent actor (to steal a turn of phrase from the Ersatz Influencer), but I feel like hiding him under all those prosthetics was maybe a waste of money? The Riddler though…THAT was inspired storytelling. Fucking Incels…

I have a recurring nightmare in which I introduce my son to Taxi Driver and he says, “Oh wow, this movie is like The Batman.” Okay, not really…but I feel like this is something that could happen. He really enjoyed The Batman, going to see it twice in the theater, watching it on HBO Max when it first dropped, then watching it again with us. He is also WAY into Nirvana now. I tried to explain that ‘Something in the Way’ was the worst song on ‘Nevermind’ and that everyone always skipped it, but he was having none of it. Sigh.

A sequel has been slotted for 2024. We were teased with yet another version of the Joker…but I’m not even mad about it. I’d love nothing more than to get the taste of the previous Jokers out of our collective mouths. (That’s what she said.)