Poison Ivy: The New Seduction

September 4, 2006

If I ran into Jaime Pressly in a dark alley, I would slowly back away until I felt it was safe to run. As soon as it was safe, I’d haul ass, move to another country and change my name.

Jaime Pressly stars in the third Poison Ivy Movie as Violet, the sister of Drew Barrymore’s character, Ivy, from the first film. Violet makes Ivy look like fucking Strawberry Shortcake. Violet returns to the Greer household for revenge on the family that fired and evicted her slutty mother years earlier. It seems that skank is a hereditary trait.

Violet is welcomed back into the house by Joy, her old best friend. Within days, she seduces Joy’s boyfriend, gets him back on drugs, fucks Joy’s dad and kills the housekeeper. Also – she has a job as a dominatrix. When Joy walks in on her dad tied up and Violet whipping him, the fun really begins.

Michael Des Barres plays the father, Ivan. Although he is slightly less gross than Tom Skerritt, I still wouldn’t fuck him – although I might have considered it 20 years ago when he played the bad guy in Ghoulies.

Jaime Pressly doesn’t cop out and use a body double like Drew Barrymore. Strangely enough, the internets tell me that Jaime Pressly actually WAS Drew’s body double for the original. Weird – they don’t even have the same body types. Anyway, she spends at least half the movie topless or totally naked. This movie was made before she started taking skin care advice from George Hamilton, so she looks really pale, but gorgeous. She almost reminds me of Traci Lords, able to go from sweet and innocent into a total whorebag in about 8 seconds.

I actually kind of liked this one in a totally ironic way. I afraid I’ll be disappointed by 2nd installment starring Alyssa Milano…I’m keeping an eye out for it though.