Not Another Teen Movie

July 2, 2002

I was not drunk or high the night I went to Blockbuster and bought Dude, Where’s My Car?, Zoolander and Not Another Teen Movie on DVD. Really, truly, I wasn’t.

I was curious about this one when it came out in the theater, but I held myself back. I sometimes have burning desires to see films like this and others like it – Kung Pow, Sorority Boys, Scary Movie, etc. I always tell myself to behave and stay home – there is cable to had! But there it was, on sale, buy 2, get 1 free, winking at me. So I bought it.

I watched it that very night. I laughed my ass off. For one thing, it was blessedly R-rated. Words cannot desribe the vile acts that were perpetrated within the bound of celluloid used to create this film. Poop, incest, lesbians, poop, vibrators, pie-fucking – did I mention poop? Yet these subjects were not foreign to Teen Movies in any any way – they had all been broached (somewhat) seriously in the parodied flicks. Unlike the classics, such as Top Secret or Young Frankenstein, or the new breed, such as Scary Movie – Not Another Teen Movie was not making up the outrageous gags or situations – they were merely juxtaposing them against each other, switching around the characters in a history of movies that was already inevitably interchangable. Why not have the parody of Kathryn from Cruel Intentions instruct the ancient parody of Josie from Never Been Kissed in the art of french kissing? It was possibly the most stomach wrenching scene in the whole film – but worth it.

A small obstacle was the fact that I had managed to miss many of the recent Teen Movies that formed the basis of the film. The film seemed to center around She’s All That – which I have seen none of. Same goes for Can’t Hardly Wait and Bring It On. I have only seem small portions of Varsity Blues, Never Been Kissed and Rudy. Luckily the viewings of American Pie, JawBreaker, Cruel Intentions and 10 Things I Hate About You pulled me through, along with the heavy use of the classic Hughes flicks.

Another stroke of genius was the casting of largely unknown actors in the primary roles. The only one I had even heard of before was Jaime Pressly, the skank from the Poison Ivy sequel. And I later realized that Chyler Leigh starred in the short-lived stool sample That 80s Show. The one distraction with Scary Movie was the fact that every single actor was well known enough for either the real Teen Movies they had been in or for being a Wayans that the type of humor was a foregone conclusion. With Not Another Teen Movie, I was not always sure what to expect – poop, incest or both.

In the end, a smart purchase. The DVD has almost as many deleted scenes as are in the film itself. Also included is the obligatory Marilyn Manson video for the theme song, a cover of Tainted Love. Actually, the video is almost as funny as the film itself, with Manson as a “Ghetto Dracula” (his desription, not mine) busting into a High School Party and making everyone get naked. I actually bought the soundtrack several months ago, another guilty purchase, along with the soundtracks to Dick and Queen of the Damned.

“It’s appalling! I can’t believe no one’s ever taken a dump on your chest!” “Goodnight, Pumpkin Tits.” “Do you think I sleep with every guy who writes me a letter? No! I give them hand jobs.” “I knew it. That’s a line from “She’s All That”. I masturbate to that movie.” There, those little dialogue gems should be enough to get you interested….