Mississippi River Sharks

August 5, 2017

Two Londons for the price of one!

Jason London (Dazed and Confused) stars as “himself” – a fictionalized version of the actor, who stars in the “Shark Bites” movie franchise. He must have a pretty good sense of humor, because he plays “himself” as an utter douchebag. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was a dig at Ian Ziering’s Sharknado fame? Or maybe I’m just projecting…but I’m fairly certain that Ziering just doesn’t play a douche on TV. Jeremy London (Mallrats) has a brief, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo, but it’s a good chuckle.

As you may have guessed, the plot of the film is sharks entering the mouth of the Mississippi River and eating people. No backstory, no particular reason WHY there are sharks in the Mighty Mississip – they just ARE. I was hoping the sharks would make it to St. Louis, but they only made it 100 miles or so up the river. Boo.

Bonus points to Mississippi River Sharks for giving the film a strong, smart heroine AND an interracial couple. The diversity is appreciated, especially in a film full of rednecks. Even though there are a couple of good one-liners, the film is boring and has ridiculously lame CGI. It was so bad, that the kids were talking shit to the screen. How bad does your CGI have to be that a nine year old is unimpressed? I tried to get my son to make a shark movie in our pond, but the snakes in our pond are scary enough to keep him from wanting to flail around in it.

Fun fact…the opening sequence takes place on the New Orleans Riverboat Natchez. My friend Gingher got married on that very same boat back in 2000…and I got severely seasick and had a panic attack. Good times.