Iron Man 2

May 27, 2012

Why does Iron Man have his own cheerleaders?!? If he’s the Hugh Hefner of Superheroes, shouldn’t he have strippers?

I was SO excited that they replaced Terence Howard with Don Cheadle, but when it came down to it, I don’t know if Don Cheadle was right for the role either. I can’t think of someone who would have been better though – so I think it is the role itself that’s problematic.

I used to think that I don’t like Sam Rockwell, but the more I think about it, the more I think I just don’t like any of the characters I’ve seen him play. He’s good at playing the creepy bad guy, so why not stick with playing creepy bad guys? But wasn’t his portrayal of Justin Hammer a bit too similar to his portrayal of the bad guy in Charlie’s Angels?

Every time I saw a close-up of Mickey Rourke’s hands, I threw up a little in my mouth. They were disgusting.

Scarlett Johansson…she didn’t come across as that tough. I think it was the hair. I was distracted by it changing from wavy to curly back to wavy. No one who spends that much time on their hair can be that much of a badass. I’m hoping that her hair is less distracting in The Avengers.

Stan Lee getting mistaken for Larry King was funny…but not as funny as him getting mistaken for Hugh Hefner.

I don’t know if Iron Man 2 is better than the first one or not, but I suspect it’s not. (I certainly don’t consider myself a comic book aficionado, or even a fair judge of movies made from comic books. I tend to like the ones made by my favorite directors or sometimes it’s based on the size of the super-bulge. Does Iron Man even have a bulge?) I rolled my eyes at Tony Stark’s tantrums a few too many times. I gagged at Gwyneth’s whines a few too many times. More than anything, Iron Man 2 reminded me of Spider-Man 3. Iron Man gets too full of himself and starts acting all flaky and misusing his powers, just like Spider-man did while wearing the black Spider-Man suit. They even did stupid dances. Fuck stupid dances. Even so, Iron Man 2 was still alright and not quite as cringe-worthy as Spider-Man 3. At least they’ve gotten that embarrassment out of the way and don’t have to go there in Iron Man 3.

So Netflix has Iron Man 2, but they don’t have Thor or Captain America. They’re not on cable either. Fuck beans, I’m going to have to pay yet another service to watch them. Why can’t one service have everything?