Hard Candy

May 13, 2008

Ellen Page didn’t get nominated for Hard Candy? If she’s half as good in Juno as she was in Hard Candy, I can see what everyone was so excited about.

The story is very basic – Hayley goes to a coffee shop to meet a man she has been chatting with online. He’s a professional photographer – that should be a warning sign right there. They go back his place, there’s a drugging, then a violent attack. I’ll leave it at that, in case you’re not familiar with the plotline.

I bet most people are shocked at how aggressively Hayley pursues her suitor – surely he must have known something was up. If sexual predators were so slick, surely Chris Hansen would have a harder time catching them. Ellen Page shows such vulnerability and naiveté while she’s setting the scene that when she pounces, it’s as if they’d hired a completely different actress. I cannot think of another young actress now or in the last 20 years that could have pulled this off – maybe Jodie Foster 30 years ago.

I can’t believe that the “Little Red Riding Hood” thing was unintentional – it was fucking brilliant!

Believe it or not, I have some experience with predators. Back when I was 15 and naive, I began having phone conversations with a 31 year old man. This was before the internet and predators had to find their victims the good ole fashioned way. I met this guy through my best friend – they met at Lollapalooza (there I go dating myself again) and had a thing going for a while, but I can’t quite remember what reason she gave for playing matchmaker between us. Looking back, he probably specifically asked her if she had any (younger) friends. So we wrote letters and talked on the phone – totally inappropriate letters and phone conversations, but we never met in person, not that he didn’t try to arrange it. Lucky for me, he lived 3 hours away. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t innocent – I had already lost my virginity at that point. But fumbling around in the dark with someone your own age is nothing compared to a 31 year old man trying to arrange to have sex with a 15 year old girl. At the time, I thought I must be totally awesome and sophisticated to have a grown man so interested in me. Now in my early 30s, I can see that I was a retard (like all 15 year old girls) and he was a pedophile. I hope someone fucking cuts his nuts off. Maybe if To Catch a Predator comes to Austin, they’ll catch this fuck.

Here I am, anxiously waiting for Juno to hit HBO. It’s too bad that Page’s popularity has her making romantic comedies with Sarah Jessica Parker.