Hairspray (2007)

June 29, 2008

Overheard somewhere in Hollywood…

“Hey Eddie, it’s me, Johnny T…remember when you said I could borrow your fat black lady suit? Well, my career is in a total slump, so I figure I could…what? You’re letting Martin Lawrence use if for Big Momma’s House 3? Awww, fuck – looks like I’ll have to figure out a way to get the studio to pay for one….

Travolta pretty much ruins the film for me. He just sucks as Edna. Although I appreciate the fact that he’s the only one that even attempted a Baltimore accent – it is indeed a very shitty Baltimore accent. Likewise the casting of Zac Efron – he is the pussiest Link Larkin I could ever imagine. He doesn’t hold a candle to Michael St. Gerard – the original Link, but then again, who could? Possibly the Elvis impersonator from last week’s America’s Got Talent? I really don’t understand Zac Efron’s appeal – supposedly he gets teenage panties wet – I just don’t see it. I can’t wait until Perez yanks him out of the closet.

When I look at Brittany Snow, I can’t help but see a member of the Aryan Nation. (Me = big Nip/Tuck fan.) Somehow, that typecasting made her perfect for the part of racist Amber Von Tussle. I hate her nose though – she looks like Telly to me.

The rest of the casting was A-okay. Michelle Pfeiffer was an excellent choice for Velma, as was the casting of Christopher Walken as Wilbur Turnblad. Walken really does have some smooth moves, doesn’t he? Nikki Blonsky isn’t as cute as Ricki Lake, but she was really good nonetheless. I hope she doesn’t become bulimic or get a coke habit.

No Madison! No Beatniks! No Franklin Von Tussle or exploding beehives! What the fuck? It’s hard not to compare it with the original, but then again, they took out my favorite things!

I should love Hairspray, but I just can’t. I tried so hard, but every time John Travolta appeared, I just wanted to kick him in his amply padded ass. Even John Waters’ cameo as the ‘flasher next door’ couldn’t make it all better.