Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain

October 1, 2006

You’d think that killing of Richard Grieco within the first five minutes of a movie would be an automatic 4 BOB rating, but alas and alack – NO.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated seeing him roasting on a spit, but that still doesn’t undo the wrong he did several decades ago in single-handedly killing off one of my favorite TV shows back in the day – 21 Jump Street. But it helped…a little. I was less happy to see his camping partners go – Chasey Lain (porn star of Bloodhound Gang song fame) got chopped in half a few minutes into the film and Jenna Jameson (don’t act like you don’t know who SHE is) lost her heart, which appeared to be a Ziploc baggie filled with Kool-Aid, near the end of the film. A camping trip with Richard Grieco, Chasey Lain and Jenna Jameson? Bleach the tent after that trip.

In addition to Chasey and Jenna, Taylor Hayes (porn star and mother of Seymour Butts’ kid) and Ginger Lynn Allen (old timer porn star, also known for getting knocked around by Charlie Sheen) also make an appearance. I can’t really complain about their performances – they weren’t any worse than the rest of the cast. My favorite was Gary, the local weirdo who kept trying to warn the kids about the Woods. “Don’t stray from the path!” His intestines were pulled out through his butthole – and then he was strangled with them. Sometimes, it just doesn’t pay to be a good Samaritan.

There’s not much original about Evil Breed. Like The Hills Have Eyes, it’s supposedly based on the legend of Sawney Bean, positing that some of his inbred, cannibal descendants escaped Scotland and took up residence in Ireland. Whateverthefuck. It’s basically a remake of Wrong Turn, which is in itself, just another rehash of the inbred cannibal thing. The film has a clichéd plot with clichéd scares and clichéd monsters. BOR-ing. Even porn star titties couldn’t keep me interested in this snoozer.