Bram Stoker’s Dracula

November 18, 1998

Ted’s vampire adventure.

Okay, there’s a little bit more to this film than that, but not much. The early nineties was a scary time. Old classics were being remade left and right and quality was not a concern. This film fell to the bottom of the heap, flattened between Branagh’s bizarre Frankenstein flick and The Brady Bunch Movie. Coppola was trying to make another Godfather movie when he realized that Dracula has to die by the end of the film. So he got some make-up artists and had Gary Oldman go through about a hundred different costume change – young Corleone, old Corleone, big scary hair Corleone and wolfman Corleone. YUCK!

The film is great to look at. Great costumes, great sets, awesome cinematography. The acting is horrific. Notwithstanding Keno-no and Wino-no, Gary Oldman overacts his way through yet another film. His accent was too affected and he moved like a geriatric postman. His make-up was so good that it made up for it, though.

My favorite part was when the three weird sisters were crawling around on their backs or whatever the fuck they were doing. Oh yeah, don’t watch this if you’ve read the book and if you liked this movie, sure as hell don’t try to read the book because it’s not a love story. Stoker probably did 3000 RPMs when this sucker hit the big screen.