Bad Santa

December 12, 2003

Billy Bob Thornton IS a bad Santa. Really bad.

I’ve never cared much for Billy Bob Thornton. I’ve never seem him in a particularly likable role. His personal life is deplorable. Plus, he just looks like he smells like a Truck Stop Bathroom. That being said, I liked him in this role. I could really see hanging out with this bad Santa – he seemed like my type of guy. Maybe because he liked to pick up women from the Big & Tall section…

Lauren Graham’s character must have been a little retarded. Seriously. I don’t care what kind of Hanukkah hang-ups you have…sexual attraction to Santa Claus is just wrong. Sick and wrong. I don’t think I will ever be able to watch Gilmore Girls in the same way again. Wait! I never watched it anyway, so it’s no big loss.

I don’t care what anyone says – the funniest scenes were the ones between John Ritter and Bernie Mac. Hell, any of the scenes with John Ritter are easily the best in the whole film. Too bad this is his last film…

Tony Cox was damn funny as well. He also starred as one of Santa’s elves in The Hebrew Hammer. Guess he’s the goto guy when you need a mean little elf.

That kid must have amazing self-esteem. Even though he is slightly less pathetic by the end of the movie, it takes an amazing heart to go along with the abuse in this film. I have one wish for the snot kid. Kid, I hope puberty treats you well, because you look like you’re gonna grow up to look like Harry Knowles.

Oh yeah, and what the fuck was that shit about the talking walnut?

A pretty funny film, except for the ending kind of annoyed me. If they would have cut the film about 3 minutes before the credits (right after the cops) – it would have been a perfect dark comedy, but of course they had to wrap everything up in a pretty bow. I hate that shit!