September 26, 2018
View this post on Instagram
How many heads could a 6-headed shark give, if a head-giving 6-headed shark could give head? The set-up to the shark feeding frenzy is ridiculously frustrating. A bunch of couples are stranded on a desert island in Baja, in order to take part in Survivor-style Couples Therapy. If I wanted to watch a bunch of dysfunctional couples arguing, I’d just wait until the holidays. Every single one of them is an asshole – who cares if the 6-headed shark eats them? I do not understand the dynamics of the 6-headed shark. Unlike the 5-headed shark, all of the heads are up front – no butthole heads on this shark. The 6-headed shark looks like Patrick Star with an erection. Also, when angered, the 6-headed shark may bite off one of his own heads. I don’t even fucking know anymore, guys. I will never unsee the sight of that dipshit 6-headed shark walking like a crab, on the tips of 4 of its shark-noses. Why? Does The Asylum even science? The Asylum does NOT science, as evidenced by the ending. I feel like it was supposed to be an homage to the ending of the original Jaws, with the oxygen tanks and flare gun. Don’t they know that the Mythbusters already debunked that???
Rating – TV-14
Runtime – 86 minutes
Genre – Sharks and Shit
Director(s) – Mark Atkins
Writer(s) – Mark Atkins, Koichi Petetsky
Actor(s) – Brandon Auret, Thandi Sebe, Cord Newman, Naima Sebe, Tapiwa Musvosvi
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote –