Lake Placid vs. Anaconda

May 9, 2015

Alien vs. Predator. Freddy vs. Jason. Batman v Superman. Hollywood loves franchise mash-ups, although not quite as much as the SyFy channel – Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, for example. And now SyFy brings us Lake Placid vs. Anaconda.

Yancy Butler is back from so-called Final Chapter – I knew they were full of shit. Now she’s the sheriff, charged with keeping the crocodiles in check. Robert Englund is also back, sans his eye, hand and foot. He’s got a peg leg, a hook and eye patch – he looks like a fucking pirate! He foolishly leads some shady scientists behind the crocodile fence, where they capture one of the crocodiles and mix its DNA with anacondas…in hopes of creating baby “crococondas”. I wish I was making this up.

Corin Nemec is a Fish & Wildlife Ranger, assisting in the crocaconda wrangling. He must not be a very good scientologist, because he can’t escape from these crazy SyFy movies. He should go try giving John Travolta a massage.

Since snakes and gators are mortal enemies (see Mega Python vs. Gatoroid), it follows that snakes and crocodiles are also mortal enemies. The film ends in an absolutely predictable way. I’m awaiting the inevitable sequel(s).