Sharknado 2 : The Second One

August 22, 2014

I watched Sharknado 2 several weeks ago and as excited as I was to sit down and watch it – after watching it, it was hard to muster enough excitement to write about it. All of the joy has been sucked out of writing about crappy SyFy movies now that they have become a mainstream pop culture phenomenon. If Matt Lauer and Al Roker get to kill sharks in your movie, it’s fucking mainstream as shit.

We reunite with our shark-slaying hero as he’s flying into New York. Without warning, sharks start attacking the plane. No set-up, no background reasoning…just sharks flinging themselves at his aircraft. Wouldn’t this have been a perfect time for someone to say, “I’m motherfucking tired of these motherfucking sharks on my motherfucking plane!”?

Even without that line, I was happy as a clam during the plane…or excuse me – Airplane scene. In fact, the only thing that kept me watching was to see how each cameo would die next. I was thrilled to see Kelly Osbourne, Wil Wheaton, Subway Jared, Perez Hilton and that guy from Shark Tank get killed in interestingly painful ways. I paid little attention the plot, excusing my confusion that the Sharknado caused it to snow.

When did Mark McGrath turn into kd lang? What happened to his face? Not sure if it’s Botox or a bad face lift, but he looks like a middle aged lesbian. It’s unnatural. Vivica A. Fox actually looks better than she has in years…I wish I could say the same about Tara Reid. YES, I know she’s coming out with Sharknado cologne and YES, it’s fucking stupid…but no less stupid than Beiber and One Direction having cologne…

My husband totally gave me a conniption fit, asking me if I thought Tara Reid would end up with a chainsaw on her stump. I believe my exact words were, “They better hadn’t dare!” I was relieved when they only put a table saw on her stump…

So…the question remains – now that everyone is watching this shit, will I stop watching and reviewing this shit? Fuck NO. I’m no cinematic hipster – I think everyone should watch the kind of movies I enjoy. Their popularity will cause more of this shit to be made, which is fine by me. I’ll be sad the day that interest in shitty shark attack movies wanes and everyone goes back to watching the umpteenth Michael Bay explosion-fest (yawn) and terminal illness porn like The Fault in our Stars (double yawn). Until then, I’ll enjoy the zeitgeist. Please slap me if you ever hear me claiming that I liked chainsaws before they were cool…even though I totally did.