June 17, 2012
Who hasn’t fantasized about the entire cast of The Jersey Shore being eaten by sharks? I know I have. I have never seen a single episode of The Jersey Shore – I watch the Soup, so I get the highlights. Except for the Kardashians, I can’t think of a more deserving group of douchebags to be eaten by sharks. Not that I want innocent killer sharks to be infected with whatever variety of sexually transmitted diseases that are rampant among residents of The Shore, but surely the world would be a better place without all that fist-pumping and Ed Hardy?
You’ll be as disappointed as I was if you watch Jersey Shore Shark Attack. While the characters are direct parodies of the real Jersey Shore douchebags…instead of being victims, they are the heroes of the film. “Nooki”, “The Complication” and friends do not get eaten by sharks. It’s a small consolation that Joey Fatone does get eaten by a shark. (Anything that potentially prevents an NSYNC reunion is good thing.) And one guy who actually was on The Jersey Shore – Vinnie G. – gets chomped as well…but the rest of those assholes live happily ever after. Fuck that.
Rating – R
Runtime – 87 minutes
Genre – When Douchebags Attack
Director(s) – John Shepphird
Writer(s) – Michael Ciminera, Richard Gnolfo, Jeffrey Schenck, Peter Sullivan
Actor(s) – Jeremy Luc, Melissa Molinaro, Jack Scalia, Paul Sorvino, William Atherton
BOB Rating – One BOB
Favorite Quote – "Joey Fatone just got eaten by a shark!" - The Complication (Jeremy Luc)