X2: X-Men United

May 15, 2003

So shoot me, I am the only person on the planet who didn’t like X2 better than the first one. Bah.

Don’t get me wrong, I liked it a lot. A whole lot, a lot! It just seemed to meander so much. And it was soooooooo long. Not Lord of the Rings long, but long nonetheless. And there definitely wasn’t as much Wolverine as in the first one. However, naked Wolverine did make up for a lot….

Most reviews that I have read delight in the fact that X2 is much more like the comic books than the first one. Well, maybe that doesn’t excite me as much as it does everyone else. Maybe I don’t give a rat’s ass about it being like the comic books. The only comic books that I read all of were the Sandman comics – and I don’t see those being made into a movie anytime in the next millenium. Oh, and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. Ditto. One major Fanboy complaint about the first one was that Wolverine never launched into one of his trademark rages. Well, he definitely did here. I was quite happy that Wolverine was actually KILLING people. Yay!

Another thing I really liked was the fact that the film was so DARK. There was a total Empire Strikes Back vibe going on. It was inevitable that the full sequel set-up would happen at the end, but I really admired the way they pulled out all the stops and actually killed someone off. Oh yeah, spoiler alert. I don’t know much about the Phoenix storyline, just what I have gleaned from the cartoon and made my husband explain to me, but I think it will make a very interesting 3rd film.

Nightcrawler was cooler than words. I’m a pretty big Alan Cumming fan – he made Josie and the Pussycats and Plunkett & Macleane watchable. No one else could have been Nightcrawler. He and Storm were totally about to make out! Speaking of Storm…argh. So Halle Berry dropped the lame accent. She still sucked. I hope she ops out of the next film and they replace her with Angela Bassett. Rogue dropped her lame accent and it really helped her character. She was really fleshed out as a character, even though she had far less screen time this time around.

Lady Deathstryke was totally wasted. She talked once! She was given the Toad treatment! The fight between her and Wolverine was by far the best fight scene in the movie. I was also disappointed that she only used her powers once. I know it was supposed to be a surprise, but shit, her adamantium nails were plastered all over every single movie poster!

Iceman and Pyro. Feh. They were okay, but I guess I’m just getting too old. Fifteen years ago, I would have been ripping pictures of Shawn Ashmore out of Tiger Beat and plastering them all over my walls. I just can’t get into him right now. And didn’t that seen where he was “coming out” as a mutant to his parents totally seem just like an Afternoon Special on being GAY?

Mercifully, Cyclops had about ten minutes of screen time. How I hate that fruity tooty excuse for an X-Man! Wolverine should pulverize his plaid-pants-wearing, NSYNC-listening-to, blue-car-driving ass!

Did I mention that Wolverine gets naked?