Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones

June 18, 2002

Light Sabre wielding Yoda kicks ass!

I doubt I am ruining anything about the film by proclaiming the kickass-ness of Yoda’s fight scene. Is it possible that there is anyone left on the planet that has not seen Episode II yet? I saw it a few weeks ago – I didn’t quite make it on opening weekend, much less opening day – like I did for Episode I…No way I was gonna wade through FANBOY a seocnd time.

We also made sure to go see Episode II at a digital theater – the Legacy in Plano. It…was…amazing. Every detail was crystal clear, contrary to the common complaint in many reviews I have read. They complain about the fuzzy background, then conclude it’s because of the analog projection. Why would any self-respecting film critic NOT see it in a digital theater?

Now, the bad news…I liked every scene in the movie – except the ones with Anakin and Amidala actually speaking to each other. There was nothing in the entire film that made me believe that they were deeply in love – not even barely in love. It was hard to suspend my disbelief and even accept that they had met before. I don’t think Hayden is necessarily a bad actor – he was quite good in the scene expressing his rage after massacring the Tuskin Raiders. It’s highly unlikely that anyone that young has ever really been in love before, so maybe that’s why he had such a hard time making me believe he was deeply in love. He seemed more like a stalker, similar to the way that Jack Osbourne was stalking Natalie Portman at the MTV Music Awards…

There were a few too many in-jokes for my taste. How many times can “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” be uttered in the Star Wars universe? The symbolism of everyone getting their right hand cut off – okay, I get it. C3-PO is gay, we know.

I was impressed to find out that there were female Jedis though – I assumed that the Jedis were a bunch of monk-like ringknockers. I wonder if female Jedis still get visited by Aunt Flow – or can they banish cramps by using the force?

I am really looking forward to Episode III – it promises to be dark and depressing. I can’t wait to see what finally pushes Anakin over the edge…I predict that it will involve an Ewok barbecue or perhaps catching Amidala in a Clone menage a tois. Actually, the reign of the Dark Side must directly correlate to making Jar Jar a Senator. Who in their right mind would leave the fate of the Republic in the hands of Jar Jar???